I love to walk. I have a dog, so I seem to spend quite a bit
of time doing it. It is good for my soul and allows space to ponder and to just
take in the surroundings. Walking allows me to see things differently, allows
me to see bits of the country or our towns that I would not see or maybe notice
if I was in the car. It is good for my soul. However, I have been on many a
walk though when I have been faced with the invisible peak, are you familiar
with these? Having climbed up what usually seems like quite a step slope or
mountainside towards what, I believed, was the top only to find that the
challenge was not quite so over as I had thought. The new ‘top’ had been hidden
from view or obstructed by a cloud or the first hill. I have at times wondered
to myself that if I had only known how steep this walk had been, or how long,
or how difficult would I have ever started it? There is an option to turn around
and walk back, but somehow, that never seems like an option and after a
chocolate bar on wards I travel.
I mention this because that is how I feel frequently with life
and I have found in my relationship with God. I am 48 now and I look back at my
life and I frequently say that if anyone had told me at 16 what it all was
going to be like, I may have opted out of some of the parts. My life, as with
us all, has been made up of immeasurable joys and depths of despair and heartache.
There have been so many times that I thought that I had reached the
destination, my destination, only to find that ‘something’ was asking me to
seek for more or when I was in despair I felt that I was being pushed to move onwards.
The ‘something’ that has been a constant in my life is my relationship with God.
He has been a voice in my head and in my heart since I was 13 when I met him at
a youth camp. I had been part of a Church community ever since I was born, but
it took me to be in a field – camping, to meet and embrace God that knew me.
That is the thing, we can meet him all over the place. Since then, my faith has
been the constant. Of course, there has been many times, like with all
relationships, when I have experienced a myriad of feelings from doubt to fury,
from denial to joy, but somehow here I sit typing this wanting people to know
the God that I know, the loving one.
Of course, as I human I would quite like to have some
assurances that everything will be okay and turn out alright before I do
anything, I can and I have questioned every decision that I needed to make and then
run the risk of never moving and allowing fear to take hold. I have had to
learn to lean into God. I have had to
make peace and accept that he obviously has plans for me that I am not aware of.
I have a pebble with the words: “for I know the plans I have for you” (Jeremiah
9), written on it, I carry it with me to remind me to have faith when I feel a bit
wobbly. It helps!
Martin Luther King said “you don’t have to see the whole
staircase, just take the first step”, I just need to be brave and take the
first step, with faith that God will show me the rest when I need to see it. I
continue to be challenged by God, each time I think that I have reached the top
of my virtual hill after resting for a while, I find that often there is
another top just a bit further on. Of course, I could stop but just like with my
walking, I know that although the route can be tough the views can be
spectacular.
